S3E3: Therapy in the Age of AI: How to Stay Human with Dr Aaron Balick
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I'm joined by psychotherapist, author, and broadcaster Dr Aaron Balick to explore what it means to be human in a world that never logs off.
From AI and social media to attention spans, parenting, and imposter syndrome, this episode dives into the psychology of modern life - how technology shapes our identity, our relationships, and even our mental health.
Aaron shares his journey from therapist to thought leader, his viral centipede story that started it all, and his belief that the key to surviving the digital age lies in self-acceptance, critical thinking, and embracing complexity.
A conversation about who we are, who we think we are online, and how to stay grounded in between.
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Find out more about Dr Aaron Balick's work on his website
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Transcript
[01:06] Isaac:
Aaron Balick, welcome to ChatterBeans.
Dr Aaron Balick:
Thank you.
[01:14] Dr Aaron Balick:
God, that’s a very broad question, right?
It’s interesting, because central to who I am is inhabiting a place of complexity. People ask “what kind of psychotherapist are you?” or even “where are you from—where do you identify as home?” and they all become very long answers. So yeah, I’m interested in complexity. I’m a clinical psychotherapist as my job, which kind of fits the bill because people are highly complex and I’m highly interested in the way people operate. There’s a lot more to me than that, but it would fill up the hour just talking about myself—so yes, there’s a little bit of narcissism there as well.
Isaac:
Why not? I guess your work right now—is it between psychology and technology? Particularly social media usage and things like that. I’ve got so many questions and so much I want to learn from you. How did that become your sort of playground?
Dr Aaron Balick:
This is a crazy story—it really is. Way back in the 2000s, I was a therapist, very early in my career, around 2004–2005. I was living in Islington, not too far from here. Late one night I was in my Edwardian flat—everything connected to the other flats on the street—and I heard this really creepy sound from the corner of my consultation room.
I thought it was a mouse. I pull away some papers and books and there’s this nine-inch venomous centipede climbing up my wall. I run upstairs, get a Tupperware, catch it, and the next day I’m on the phone to the London Zoo; they send me to the Natural History Museum to identify it.
[03:16] Dr Aaron Balick:
While I’m there, the press secretary comes down—“this is amazing”—because it was totally foreign, like from Java or something. It turned out weeks later it was a neighbour’s escaped pet, but it was a really crazy find. They asked to put it in the Friends of the Natural History Museum newsletter. The next day it’s the most emailed news story in the world, according to Google: “Islington psychologist finds giant centipede in house.”
In those days, if you Googled me, you got pages of centipede stories. Six months later, a client having a panic attack at night Googled me, found only the centipede stories—“it’s poisonous, what if something happened to him?”—and it provoked a big therapeutic thing we had to work through. I kind of became the guy who thought about Google and therapy, being Googled—because this giant centipede showed up in my flat.
Isaac:
So it became about finding you online.
Dr Aaron Balick:
Yeah—what happens when they find you online. In those days, therapists were supposed to be a blank screen—you weren’t supposed to know much about them. It was the beginning of people looking up their therapist. Now we all do it to choose them, but back then, nothing.
[04:51] Isaac:
So you threw yourself into that while carrying on with therapy?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Yeah. I wrote a clinical paper to understand it, then a book about social media off the back of that—because what happened between me and my client is happening between people all the time. I wanted to understand it culturally and help non-therapists understand it too.
Isaac:
You’ve been exploring the human side of social media long before many of us knew it mattered, right?
Dr Aaron Balick:
I don’t know about before, but yeah—for a long time.
Isaac:
What’s your journey been—what have you been finding with social media usage and how we’re all hyperconnected?
[05:46] Dr Aaron Balick:
The basic idea: we are psychologically extended into the digital world. Before social media, you went to bed and disappeared from the world until morning. Now you wake to notifications; people have read your stuff—your digital representation is out there all the time.
I look at platform structures and mind structures and how they meet—what gets enabled or disabled. In Freudian terms—id, ego, superego—LinkedIn is very superego (achievements, professionalism). Twitter/X is very id. Instagram does different things, and AI does different things. Each digital manifestation engages the psyche differently.
Isaac:
Is it possible to have those versions and still be yourself?
Dr Aaron Balick:
It links to “what is yourself?” Are you the one who goes to the gym or the one who stays home eating donuts—when you do both? We’re multiple. Social gets problematic when we invest in parts rather than the whole. If you’re on Instagram a lot (an ego-based, performative space), that ego part grows and the other parts don’t get fed.
Isaac:
Especially as your following grows and you get more likes.
Dr Aaron Balick:
Exactly—you get trained in a direction.
Isaac:
I struggle with having a very professional government AI role and also running this personal podcast. Public Instagram vs LinkedIn—colleagues might search my Instagram. Are you seeing people trying to live two lives?
[08:44] Dr Aaron Balick:
These platforms require commitment—and then what happens to the other stuff? Some parts you want separate; some you don’t. It’s a challenge.
Isaac:
What about imposter syndrome? It comes up a lot—online, teaching, anything. I still see a therapist weekly. With social media I ask “how will I compare—will I have a body like that?” Is it getting worse?
Dr Aaron Balick:
I wish it were more of a problem—paradoxically. Today, influential people who feel entitled to their opinions—regardless of facts—are impostors and should doubt themselves. There are different kinds of imposter syndrome.
One is disproportionately experienced by women, socialised to speak less, spoken over—so it feels weird to take space. That’s pathological and harmful.
Another kind is when you’re working at the edge of what you know—new course, new skill—always researching. That’s a good imposter feeling: the farther from your comfort zone, the more impostor you feel. The task is to judge: am I over-judging myself (pathological), or is this growth discomfort where I should study, learn, and ground what I say in evidence and hard work?
Isaac:
AI feels like it came out of nowhere—it’s in every app. I build AI products to save time and money, but I see the societal impact and job debates. Where does your work go with AI and psychotherapy?
[11:13] Dr Aaron Balick:
So many directions. Psychotherapy-wise, I’m most interested in the relationships people form with AI—what it feels like to engage with systems that are so human-like you can’t help but get sucked in. There are interesting—and scary—consequences.
Isaac:
I read about someone who sought help for his wife, then ended up in a relationship with an AI product—called it his girlfriend.
Dr Aaron Balick:
He’s not the only one. There are AI companion apps with hundreds of thousands—probably millions—of users. Some people are doing it with basic ChatGPT.
Isaac:
Are people coming to you more around AI and life struggles?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Not particularly—same as early social media days when people asked if I worked with Instagram “addicts.” Generally social media use is integrated into life—it shows up as part of life. AI isn’t showing up as much as social did, because it’s less relational to others. You might discuss your fears about AI, but it’s not like “this happened to me on Facebook.”
[13:06] Isaac:
Sometimes I want an answer sooner, so I try the “therapist module” of ChatGPT. It asked the same questions as my therapist. Do we move away from professional help because we seek something free and always on?
Dr Aaron Balick:
You named one reason: timing. You had to wait a week, so you went sooner. Research shows these apps can help loneliness and anxiety—calm you, validate fears. But a real therapist helps you bear anxiety longer so you’re not always seeking to quell it.
The 24/7 help can become a constant calming loop. If you had health anxiety and you’re on ChatGPT all the time about symptoms, you need to learn to live with uncertainty rather than always quell it.
Isaac:
I had an operation recently—my consultant said healing would take months. I kept asking ChatGPT questions daily; it built a picture of me, but I worried constantly, asking my husband “does this look normal?” He’d say: calm down, trust the timeline. I’m trying to let go—it’s not healthy.
Dr Aaron Balick:
It’s a double-edged sword. You get five minutes with a consultant; in that sense, having a longer, careful conversation with ChatGPT—double-checking sources—can be fine. But when it tips into constant self-calming, something different is happening. We’re bad at spotting when a different bad thing is happening—whether social, AI, food—anything.
[15:57] Isaac:
Let’s go back—were you always interested in psychology?
Dr Aaron Balick:
No. I was a messy kid—today I might’ve been diagnosed ADHD early. Did my homework and left it at home. At uni, I started pre-med, didn’t have the mind for chemistry, ended with an English degree after switching a few times. Taught TEFL in Poland.
When I wanted to move to the UK with my partner, I did a master’s for a student visa. I read Freud for the first time at 25 and thought, this is interesting. It was sudden—I committed.
[17:32] Isaac:
You’ve been in London ever since?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Ever since—first came in ’94. Nice to remember that.
[17:51] Isaac:
Are you noticing new challenges linked to being hyperconnected?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Attention spans, definitely. It’s pernicious—Reels/TikTok—dopamine hits on a cycle are so capturing. We have less patience. Now with AI, we use it to solve problems we used to have to work through. That deteriorates your capacity to learn and see things through.
Isaac:
Same with search—I ask ChatGPT, not Google. Reels say hook in 3 seconds—maybe now 1 second.
Dr Aaron Balick:
I’ve made some—when you see 97% drop off after 3 seconds, you think, “I spent 4 hours on a 57-second video.” Algorithms play into that.
[19:41] Isaac:
Coffee—do you make time?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Yeah. I’ve got a timer filter machine—the coffee makes itself. Milky coffee with breakfast, then black.
Isaac:
And coffee shops?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Perfect for me: a bit of ambient stimulation helps me read or journal longhand. It focuses me. Also, there’s something satisfying about looking studious.
Isaac:
If you could have coffee with anyone?
[21:00] Dr Aaron Balick:
Freud. I’d have so many questions—what it was really like to be him. And he wasn’t shy of stimulants—had a cocaine period for a few years.
Isaac:
ADHD came up a lot in Series 1 & 2. More people are diagnosed or think they have it. Direct link to smartphones and social?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Yes. If you read DSM symptoms for ADHD, there’s nobody who doesn’t have them at times. Not dismissing severe ADHD, but attention deficit feels universal. Reducing oneself to a mental health category like ADHD can be harmful—it’s part of you, not all of you. Social media doubles down on identity around it—can be limiting.
Isaac:
Do people become reliant on it as a reason for everything?
[23:23] Dr Aaron Balick:
Algorithms feed you more—and not all info is correct. Example: introversion memes. There’s a Robert Downey Jr. lift meme: “introverts when someone steps in the lift.” But nobody wants someone in a lift—introvert or extrovert. Memes make you feel separate rather than highlighting what’s universal. That bugs me.
Isaac:
You write for GQ—can we talk adolescence?
Dr Aaron Balick:
The fury around it bordered on moral panic, but people do need to wake up. Think about the rabbit holes you can go down in an hour. Young minds spending hours nightly—it’s serious.
Isaac:
Phones at school… how do you talk to kids about it? Oscar and I want children, but it’s scary.
Dr Aaron Balick:
When I pitched that article, I said I didn’t want to write “how to have a conversation.” The work starts early—first two years. A child needs to feel loved and seen by parents not on their phones. In 700 words people want “what do I do now?”—fair—but the base is attention, listening, attunement.
Isaac:
Parents on phones—it makes me sad/angry when kids get an iPad while parents scroll.
[26:58] Dr Aaron Balick:
We all need authentic recognition growing up: to be seen as we are. If parents are on their phones, there’s a lack—you’ll seek it elsewhere. AI might offer recognition; likes become validation (a lighter version). That creates a cycle.
The good news: if you develop curiosity, trust, and critical thinking, you create a secure base to deal with those challenges. Sadly, the least secure kids are most vulnerable—even though everyone struggles.
Isaac:
Maybe now is actually a good time to raise kids—we know more.
[28:45] Dr Aaron Balick:
There’s never been a perfect time. In the 13th century you’d be covered in scabies and die at 23; in the 80s you feared nuclear war. I’m grateful for modern medicine—anaesthetics, antibiotics, vaccines (for now). No perfect time.
Isaac:
Midlife crisis for millennials—happening earlier?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Even before 30s. The midlife crisis model assumes you seek meaning only at midlife—wasn’t true then either. I call it a crisis of meaning. If your presented self (that gets likes) differs from your authentic self, that part looks for meaning. It happens across the lifespan—we all need meaning. There’s a lot of unmeaningful stuff grabbing attention.
Isaac:
How do we seek meaningful stuff?
Dr Aaron Balick:
There’s no gain without pain. To learn, you have to commit—not just get the answer from ChatGPT. Meaning comes through struggle. Avoid struggle, miss meaning. (Doesn’t mean life has to suck.)
Isaac:
You’ve done BBC, GQ, CBeebies—is that a different passion?
[32:12] Dr Aaron Balick:
It serves my extroverted function. Therapy and writing are introverted work; media lets me make ideas accessible at scale—Radio 1, CBeebies—giving people a little reframe is satisfying.
Isaac:
What’s your biggest hope and worry about how tech shapes mental health?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Hope: more adults in the room. With AI, we need regulation. You can’t have billionaire company directors steering the most powerful tech in the world. In the right hands, AI can help with climate, mental health, and more.
Worry: the shadow side of all that power.
Isaac:
One life lesson you wish people knew?
[34:03] Dr Aaron Balick:
Really listen to yourself—and be honest about what you hear. From doomscrolling (your body tells you to stop) to big life decisions you’re afraid to make—listen, think, be brutally honest.
But also remember: when you “listen,” you’re not always sure it’s the right signal.
Isaac:
I spiral on Instagram—muscular bodies on my Explore page. “How will I ever look like that?” Then I think genetics, etc.—I know I should stop looking so the algorithm tidies up, but I can’t.
Dr Aaron Balick:
Underneath it is self-acceptance. If you accept who you are, you can better listen to your needs—not chase impossible standards online. Easier said than done.
Isaac:
When do you feel most like yourself?
[35:53] Dr Aaron Balick:
It’s complex. Being on Radio 1 is unlike everyday me, but still feels like me. This conversation feels like me. Small talk in a lift doesn’t.
Isaac:
Something you’ve had to unlearn?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Caring less about what other people think. Everyone cares—but how you hold that matters.
Isaac:
Thoughts on Mel Robbins and the “let them” theory?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Measured, like all things. You still need to let yourself be impacted by the right people or you risk becoming the kind of person with impostor traits who always thinks they’re right. It’s a balance.
Isaac:
What does the future hold?
[37:32] Dr Aaron Balick:
Discipline. I’ve been trying to finish a book that’s 98% done for three years—the revising bit is boring but necessary. I want that book out, revise my social media book, and do more writing and speaking.
Isaac:
Quick fire—first thing you do in the morning?
[38:11] Dr Aaron Balick:
Snuggle my dog.
Isaac:
Most popular answer on this show is “reach for TikTok.”
Dr Aaron Balick:
My second is reaching for my phone for the NYT Connections puzzle—which sounds more intellectual than TikTok, but it’s still a habit.
Isaac:
Bag packed—where to?
Dr Aaron Balick:
The Maldives or someplace tropical—bucket list.
Isaac:
One thing that always lifts your mood?
[39:06] Dr Aaron Balick:
My dog. He’s a rescue—super sweet.
Isaac:
Habit you swear by?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Journaling. Not always consistent, but across my life it’s been the best habit.
Isaac:
Pleasure you’ll never give up?
Dr Aaron Balick:
…Not saying on a podcast.
Isaac:
Favourite way to spend a day off?
Dr Aaron Balick:
I love napping. Lazy day, Netflix, long nap—doing nothing.
Isaac:
Favourite place you’ve visited?
[40:20] Dr Aaron Balick:
Maybe Bali. I hate being cold; in the tropics you feel like the universe is hugging you—humid warmth day and night, parrots, foliage, welcoming people, amazing food, insanely blue water—paradise.
Isaac:
Time travel—forward or back?
Dr Aaron Balick:
Forward. If we’re in a Star Trek arc, there are a couple of hundred rough years before it turns utopian again—so maybe 400 years ahead.
Isaac:
A small joy recently?
[41:43] Dr Aaron Balick:
This podcast—really good fun.
Isaac:
Where can people find you?
[42:04] Dr Aaron Balick:
AaronBalik.com. Google me—I’m the only Aaron Balik. You might find the centipede story too. I’ve got a Substackand I’m also on Instagram.
Isaac:
Amazing—we’ll tag you in everything. Thanks for listening—please rate 5★ and subscribe so you’re first to know about new episodes. More content on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram @chatter.beans.
Until next time—keep chatting, keep sipping.
